so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
