Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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