:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
