Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
