My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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