Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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