So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
