The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize