Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
