I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
