I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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