dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
