I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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