party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
