He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
