Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize