Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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