you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
