I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
