I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
