Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
