Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
