i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
