You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
