the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
