just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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