The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
