I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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