....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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