So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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