Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
