There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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