That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
