Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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