So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
