I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Randomize
