You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I won't apologize to a one balled man
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
