If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
