His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
