the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
