i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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