that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
