fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize