You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize