Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
