I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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