guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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