we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
