i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
