he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
So here I am, sexting at work.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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