Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
