I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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