How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
