a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
