I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
