Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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