i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
