Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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