He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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