She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
