I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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