census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
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