we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I love you. Go after that dick
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize