you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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