Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
